One week until surgery. I honestly can say that I’m not nervous to go under since I’ve already been through it two times. But I am a little nervous about the procedure. Earlier this summer, I had a conversation with my doctor and he told me that this revision process is very complicated. He has to fill holes in my bones. If they are bigger then he expects that might be a problem too. I just don’t understand how all of this got to this point. He told me that he has been doing this for years and years and I am his second revision. My physical therapist has never had a patient who has had to go through the revision as well. Should I be proud that I am his first? Probably not, but I have to stay positive at what is at hand.
I think that I have been really good at keeping a smile on my face throughout this journey. I usually am a really positive person and I am not over emotional. But recently just thinking about sitting out another year and possibly never playing again really hurts. I think the passion I have for lacrosse is bigger then I have ever expected. I always want to get better, faster, and stronger and I still go to the gym everyday and try to make myself stronger. I have hope that one day I can play again but I know that I will never be as fast or as quick as I was. I will never be the same player I was who has gotten me to this point. Realizing this makes me feel like someone threw an arrow through my heart.
This 100% has changed the person I am. I think that if I can get through this, I can take on anything. I have learned so much about myself. I have passion. I have a lot of heart. I have mental strength (most of the time). I am physically strong, maybe not my legs…just yet. I have very supportive friends and family. And most importantly I believe in myself that I can do this.
I hope people who read this learn that little or big set backs in life doesn’t mean that everything is over. I think that everything happens for a reason and you have to take life by the horns and deal with every speed bump you encounter. Only tough people are chosen to go through hard times and when you overcome your hardships you feel so much better. You feel accomplished. You can say that you went through a hard experience and came out a better person, a stronger person. Yeah, getting 4 surgeries suck, but people will have respect for me. They see me work my ass off to get better and they see the passion and heart I have to do so.